Jen Laird White

Last night a bunch of us were engaged in that seemingly universal ritual that occurs worldwide, except for the simplest of third world nations and those in recovery, the Friday night “Cocktails for Mommies”.  It’s a lovely event full of spouse bashing, children chat, anti aging options and, the older we get, increasingly purple teeth after the first glass of red.  Last nights hot topic was bikinis for those over forty.  It helped that it’s the last day of January and the threat of actually baring slightly saggy  aging flesh is months away.  The collection gathered at my kitchen counter was a particularly fit bunch so I was surprised at the lack of bikini wearers.  One friend had always hated her belly and belly button (I can relate having just discovered that droop but to HATE such a sweet innocent part of your body?  Feels extreme.) and thus, the tankini or the tank.  Another said her husband liked a bikini but she didn’t.  All in all, there was not a huge embracing of the almost bare over forty look.  Well, I am a bikini wearer.  I think there’s no better feeling than being slightly brown of belly at the height of summer.  My friend Helga (I’ve decided to start changing names so that I don’t hurt feelings…and I’ll give everyone a very poetic name) once said, and I quote “Are you seriously still wearing a bikini at 47?  You’ve got to be kidding”.  Well my response to her was this.  If I were to suddenly switch to the tank suit, cover that belly and more areas of my slightly droopy bottom, shroud my post forty self in something more, er, seemly, perhaps with a little skirt, what’s it really going to do?  It’s not like the twenty something studs are going to surround me on the beach like “Beach Blanket Bingo” and ask me to play volleyball and go for a beer?  It’s not like I’m going to get a contract to model aging lady tank suits for JC Penny.  It’s not like I’m going to look HOT.  I’m going to look like me but without the brown belly.  So why bother.  I’m with Helen Mirren, keep that belly in the open.  Although, my word she looked good.

ps I play whiffle ball in my bikini.  Less wind resistance when running the bases.