Jen Laird White

Okay, a couple of interesting things in todays New York Times…there’s a story on the business pages about a woman who’s job is brow shaper.(Click Here) Yes.  Shaper of eyebrows.  Tweezer, waxer, plucker.  Woman who admits freely and comfortably and without a hint of embarrassment that she plucks hair from other peoples forehead and calls it a career.  A career that the New York Times clearly agrees with because she’s in the Business Pages. Now this career woman goes on to tell a tale of rescuing some demanding and spoiled sounding bride to be’s brows on a flight from NY to LA, despite tremendous turbulance, general reluctance and an overwhelming desire to just read People magazine quietly for seven hours(okay, the People part is what I’d want to be doing, the plucker never says that ).   She finally agrees, safely shapes the brides brow without dislodging an eye and the plucker and the pluckee arrive at the gate where they are met by the brides husband to be.  With horror, the shaper realizes, shhhh, she knows him and that they share a terrible secret.  She has in fact shaped his eyebrows TOO but like any good eyebrow shaper or prostitute aside from Ashley Dupre,  she would never reveal such a tragic and damaging flaw and pretends she’s never met him.  He, like any caught John or man with shaped eyebrows, does the same and the petulant bride, unfortunately will marry a man who’s eyebrows she hardly knows.  Now that is a secret you would want to keep.  My god, to have a spouse who shapes his eyebrows.  It’s worse than visiting pole dancers, running up secret bank accounts or having sex with goats, in the barn or not.  Men who shape their eyebrows.  If I ever found out that Rich did that, I don’t know how we’d survive.  I struggle with Rich’s recent discovery of hair gel and have always wondered if his fascination with hockey hides an inner homo-eroticism.  I can relax, however, in the knowledge that his greying eyebrows are clearly without shape and rivaled in unruliness only by his grey and increasing nose hair.

Oh, and the second story?  That one is about a book that, among many other interesting numerological points,  reveals that the average number of feet on people in the world is, Yes, LESS THAN TWO.  That’s right.  If averaged together, all of us in true “We Are the World” fashion singing softly and holding hands while circling the globe and swaying in our oneness, our number of feet would be less than two.  (Click Here)  Sip your coffee and ponder that.  And, next time, let’s chat about the mother of octuplets with six children already at home.  Bet you a million bucks she NEVER, EVER gets HER brows shaped again.