Jen Laird White

I just finished my People magazine.  I think we all need to pick up a copy, turn to page 127 and offer some help.  It’s the tale of the self proclaimed “Transgendered Rosa Parks”, a fellow from Oregon named Stu Rasmussen, a popular three term Mayor.  I tried to download the article but it’s from the Feb 16th issue so you’ll have to wait. I have attached a few photos from Stu’s own website for your viewing pleasure. Just so you know, since the photo on the left was taken, Stu has gone red (see bottom image).  Now Stu, after years of struggling with his identity and literally and figuratively hiding in the closet his vast collection of womens clothing finally has come clean.  It began with the Internet which allowed Stu to realize that cross dressing was not just for “freaks and weirdos”, although he never goes on to specify who the Internet indicated was actually cross dressing out there, and has ended with a $4,000 breast implant surgery (which he sweetly refers to as “adopting the twins”), a successful re-election as Mayor despite wearing one of the worst tank tops I’ve ever seen, and a confession followed by complete acceptance from his girlfriend of ten years, Victoria Sage.  Victoria’s only concern was that Stu’s tendancy to dress was a little “va-voom”.  Okay.  Va voom does not begin to describe the “don’t” factors to Stu’s dressing.  Stu dresses like a freak.  I think we need to help the “Transgendered Rosa Parks”.  And not just a little.  Rosa was an elegant little woman, demure but attractive.  The message when you looked at Rosa was always about racial equality.  With Stu, no one thinks Transgendered equality.  You just think, “Oh, my GOD who let him out of the house with that on.”  He’s giving women, cross dressers and transgendered folks a terrible name, as if any of us need more bad publicity.   He needs our help.  So here are my pointers.  Feel free to add your own.

Stu, Artificial red hair NEVER works unless you truly look like Nicole Kidman or, with the right color job, Drew Barrymore.  Red highlights, perhaps a subtle shade of strawberry, but Brenda Starr, a color never seen in the real world red can only be worn by those in possession of the deepest beauty or drawn by cartoonists.  And Stu, I am sorry, but that is not you.  Now, Stu, I think this goes for red tights as well.  Red tights are for toddlers.  And Trannies, but since you’ve taken the dignified step of adopting the “twins” you are officially on the road to joining me and my fellow women, and you need to release the closeted transvestite and embrace the out in the open Renee Richards.  She always looked good.  Do you want to be one of those women that young men spot from a distance, hurry to catch up to because from behind slutty red tights on long legs capped by a skinny butt, and so much red hair, indicate there’s something really hot and potentially available up ahead, only to cruise around the front view and die from a sudden heart arrythmia brought on by shock?  Worse than shock.  Stunned disbelief.  You don’t want that, Stu.  All of us of a certain age FEAR that.  And you should be right there with us.  No, Stu, you need to embrace a look that is quieter, a gentler beauty.  And stop with the cleavage.  You’re sixty.  Cleavage, unless your Helen Mirren(see Bikini post), is not good.  Even if the boobs that create it are brand new, you are not.  Stu, red nail polish calls attention to hands.  Stu, your hands are the size of catchers

 mitts.  Do not call attention to them.  Oh, Stu, I’m sorry to be so harsh.  I’m just trying to help.  You want to be the best half transgendered Mayor who has an accepting girlfriend with a porn star name and two newly purchased breasts who got elected despite wearing red pumps, a demim skirt and a mans face.  Because, as you said in the People article, this is a “Seminal moment”.  Stu, you didn’t actually say “seminal moment”.  Please.  I think Rosa just left her grave.