I received the photo at the left from my friend Bill in the context of Allure magazines anti-aging issue.  He knows how opposed to aging I am.  Now, as is obvious from the picture, Bill is a guy who clearly just wants me to feel good about myself.  This is the same Bill who pointed out that Osama bin Laden and I share a birthday.  Ahhh.  Good friends.  Well, this pic features forty three year old Cindy Crawford wearing last nights dessert.  It’s quite a photo.  And I certainly know how that goes, we all do.  Kids get a little crazy, hopped up on sugar, food starts to fly, everyone’s having fun, clothes come off, out comes the digital camera .  And bango.  A potential Christmas card photo. It happens here at least once a month.  As Bill kindly pointed out,  whatever Cindy is currently using for anti-aging products, they do, indeed, appear to be working although it’s a bit hard to see through the coating of last nights dessert. (note: her head is cut off because of both my incompetence at uploading anything AND does anyone ever really care about her face when dessert is on the rest of her?  It looks like whipped cream and maybe some lemon meringue? I’m getting downright hungry. ) Then, today, the paper features Valerie Bertinelli, 48, in her bathing suit.  Valerie looks great too although why everyone seems to be so shocked she looks good is beyond me.  Maybe it’s because she did go through that phase when something went south with Eddie Van Halen and to kill the pain of a declining marriage, she picked fast food over alcohol and drugs.  What the hell’s wrong with that.  But the pics of all these fabulous women in my age group half naked got me rethinking my Christmas card policy.  Every year, usually at the height of summer tans,  I get my four kids all dolled up, or at least make them wash the chocolate off the edges of their mouths and we pose for a Christmas card photo.  They always look cute, the spouse has on a clean shirt and a game, “I’ll do this for you” kind of smile.  And I look fabulous.  Which is really the point of a family Christmas card anyway.  Who really gives a damn what your kids look like.  Kids are kids and your kids photos are really only interesting to two people.  You and your spouse.  And maybe your parents if they don’t have something more interesting to think about.  The spouse is male and only changes by greying or slight weight fluctuations.  But you, now that’s where everyone is looking.  How’s she holding up, they wonder? Is she having work done?  Is that arm flab I see?  Kinda seems to be letting herself go.  What is she wearing?  Did she think hair that short would be flattering?  I know that’s how it works.  Particularly when you send the card to the families of old boyfriends.  The wives spend hours with a magnifying glass bent over your card.  I’m sure of it.  Which is why I’m now proposing that the family holiday card should actually be just a picture of me.  Me looking really good.  Well lit, no sign of the hours of physical prep that went in to the shot, the hair coloring and facials nor the retouching that took out all smile lines and age spots.  Heck, me naked if dessert was really good that night.  I think it should just be me. Wind in my hair, a sly happy smile on my face.  A look that says “I know that time is passing, but I’m enjoying every minute.”  A photo that doesn’t feature the double chin that appears from a certain angle or the muffin tops at the upper edge of your jeans.  OR the crease between your eyes when you’re discussing something you care about.  It will not feature you shrieking at the kids or berating the spouse.  It will not be from behind because, as we all know from Star Magazine, even twenty year olds have cellulite in a certain light.  It won’t be the Jamie Lee Curtis in More Magazine.  Remember that one?  Jamie Lee, in her underwear with no retouching or special lighting.  Heck, she didn’t even suck in her belly.  And while I applaud the sentiment and the bravery, it should not, I repeat, NOT be her Christmas card.  No, we all want the Valerie Bertinelli card.  She, by the way, credits her new found shape to yoga.  Just so you know, I think it’s a multitude of down dogs combined with some heavy retouching.  Not that I’m cynical. So, go for the Valerie Bertinelli card.  I. personally think the Cindy Crawford card is just too much.  Although I’m sure my friend Bill would disagree.  You want your Christmas picture to say happy and satisfied with life not messy at the table while eating dessert nude.  Hmmm.  Although, here’s an idea.  How bout a Valerie Bertinelli for friends and family.  And then a Cindy Crawford for old boyfriends and husbands ex wives.  Maybe that’s it.  Two cards. To cover everything.